I want you more than these girls want KFC
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
