I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
