Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
