mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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