He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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