Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
