I bet he comes in French.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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