Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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