I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
