My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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