could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
