a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
