Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
