I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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