The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
