she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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