I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
