Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
