I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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