Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
This show inspires me to have sex in space
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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