I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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