This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
