Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
