Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Randomize
