im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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