Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
