Are we in a gay sports bar?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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