True but thats because hes a fetus.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
