When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
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