That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
