i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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