i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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