we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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