Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
