it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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