It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
