I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
