How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
