the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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