hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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