can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
