And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
