the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
