Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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