he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Randomize
