i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
