I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
