also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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