and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm bleeding and have questions
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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