If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
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