She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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